This morning, I came across a version of a 25 Things quiz I did about a year ago on my facebook page. I figured I'd update and repost it so I didn't have to exert any real effort actually writing a blog post today, only instead it backfired on me because it's taken me all freaking day to come up with new and interesting stuff to write about.
So finally, I present to you for your viewing pleasure, 25 things you didn’t know, and didn’t really NEED to know about yours truly. I hope you'll reciprocate and post your own!
1. I once watched a PETA video and couldn’t eat bacon for a month. Then I read something that said “if they didn’t want us to eat animals, they wouldn’t have made them out of meat” and I got over it.
2. I watch Intervention to feel better about myself. Hey, I may have been slightly overserved at the babyshower last weekend, but at least I’m not huffing on computer duster to get my fix.
3. Sometimes I astound myself with the horrific things that pass through my own mind. For example, I’ve had such bad work days in the past that I’ve found myself wishing that I could just break my leg so that I could have a few weeks off on short term disability. A broken femur, in my eyes, is a small sacrifice to make for a few blissful weeks spent on the couch. After one particularly god awful day at work a few years ago, I honest to god found myself wishing that I could get pregnant just for that glorious, three month stretch of maternity leave that comes prepackaged with the deal. That in itself isn’t TOO bad of course, but as the rest of my “plan” went, when my three month sojourn was up I’d then give my child up for adoption because motherhood simply “wasn’t for me”. I even shocked myself with that one.
4. When my little sister Samantha was born, I bit her finger to see if she’d cry. She did. I was twelve years old so this was clearly unacceptable behavior.
5. I have no rhythm. Thus, I can’t dance… although to be quite frank, I have yet to try dancing while sober. When I’m drunk, I’ll “dance” and blame the lack of rhythm on the fact that I’m drunk. It’s a vicious circle, really.
6. I grew up resenting my parents for saddling me with the most generic moniker known to man, save for “John Smith”. I have no qualms about even posting it on here because it’s so common. Take the 1st most popular girls name of 1981 – Jennifer – and add it to the 6th most common surname in the USA – Martin – and the end result is that I am virtually anonymous. It used to bother me when I was younger, like when I was seated next to another Jennifer Martin in my first semester of college biology class. Or when I lost my library card and they had to sit there impatiently while the librarian sifted through the 25 other Jennifer Martin’s in my town to find the right one. “did you ever live on Elm street?” No. “Hmmm… how about Franklin?” NO. As a youth desperately seeking the quirky independence that would set me apart from the crowd. I tried to differentiate myself from the fifteen other Jennifer’s in my graduating class by drawing little stars as the tittle in the I’s in my name. I imagined as I grew up that the trademark tittle star would become my identifier, and that eventually I could just sign christmas cards and checks that way… just an “I” with a tittle star, like the artist formerly known as. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to not only accept it but APPRECIATE it even. Especially in the age of the internet where endless information about a person is readily available at your fingertips, my name has proven itself quite useful for maintaining my anonymity. The exact opposite of what I sought as a self righteous, wannabe enigmatic youth.
7. I know in my heart that most all of you immediately thought something dirty when you read the word “tittle” above. No worries. I did too. There's no secrets here. We're all friends.
8. I firmly believe that if I ever have a chance of being “discovered” it would be in a suburban shopping mall. It seems to me that every celebrity profiled on the E! True Hollywood Stories gets their big break that way. Cue voiceover… “Little did Gisele know that her decision to hit up the Macy’s One Day Sale Double Coupon Extravaganza would forever change the course of her life”. For this reason, I toss my hair and smile seductively as I pick through the sale racks at Banana Republic, just in case a talent scout is observing my behavior from behind the wool, pleated style trousers. The secret is to never let your guard down. I feel it’s best to operate under the assumption that every middle aged man screaming into his cell phone while overdosing on MSG via Master Wok is a talent scout on the hunt for the next Heidi Klum. I don’t know what I’m expecting to be “discovered” for, but whatever it is, I want it discovered in a suburban shopping mall.