I'm baaaa-aaack

Sorry it’s been a bit since my last blog, but I’m currently experiencing a mild case of AVD (After Vacation Depression). I just spent a blissful five days soaking up the sun in a tropical island paradise, where the biggest decisions I had to make were “pool or beach?” and "rum swizzle or pina colada?" (answer to both, is well, both). Now here I am back at work so friggen busy that I barely have time to check my Gmail, update my Facebook status, check my Hotmail, upload my pictures to Shutterfly, work up the nerve to check my bank balance, see what’s up with Jon and Kate on TMZ, or follow any of your blogs. What. Is. That. Crap. All. About? When does my employer expect me to take care of personal matters? On my own time?

But I digress. I had an amazing time. Bermuda is really a fantastic little island, and I’m happy to be able to add it to my list of “Places On This Earth That Are So Much Better Than the Eight Months of Frozen Tundra Four Months of Rain, Hopefully Someday I Can Afford a Condo for Under a Million, State Full of Kennedy Worshipping, Bad Attitude People I call Home” Why do I still live in Massachusetts you ask? Well because I’d have nothing to bitch about if I left. That and because it's the greatest place on earth.

That’s not to say Bermuda doesn't have any negatives. For one, it's even MORE expensive than Boston. After spending five days there living like a Hilton, I’m literally afraid to look at my bank account balance. Nothing says “I can’t pay my rent this month!” like ordering two Corona’s, handing the bartender a $20, nodding at him to keep the change, and walking away feeling like a scumbag because you know you left him less than a dollar tip. I quickly learned that the best way to assuage this guilt was to start paying for stuff in Bermudian money. The exchange rate is pretty much the same as American, so you’re still spending the same amount only it doesn’t FEEL like real money because it’s just so purrrdy. Its pastel colored and has butterflies and froggies and dolphins on it. It's almost as if the head of the Bermudian Treasury Department is Lisa Frank herself. It makes me sad for our American money with the old guys looking up at you all stonefaced with wigs and shit. Our money is serious money. It ain't f*cking around with no butterflies or dolphins. It means business.

So I figured it's only right that I show you a couple of pictures I took while I was on vacation, but instead of showing you the stereotypical crop of pretty pictures of the ocean, the sunset, and the beach etc. etc. etc. to make you green with envy that I was there and YOU WEREN'T (na na na na na) I thought it would be more interesting to let you see the last five pictures I took before I lost my camera battery forever. Somewhere, somehow, someway I lost my my camera battery (along with my dignity, morals, gross motor skills, and the cutest pair of white cotton shorts EVER) while attending the wedding on Saturday night (did I mention it was open bar?), and since I didn’t have a spare battery I couldn't take anymore pictures for the rest of the night, nor could I view any of the ones I had already taken. The first look I got at the pictures I had taken was when I returned home on Monday and downloaded the pictures straight off the memory card to my laptop. So here you have it... the last five pictures I took on my Bermudian Vacation for your viewing pleasure:

EXHIBIT A: Blackness. Deep. Intense. Absymal. Sinister. I like to think this photograph is a reflection of the darkness within ALL of us. What is art? Is art, art? Are WE art?

(I'll make a bet that nobody can guess what movie that's from. Actually, scratch that. I'm a little sensitive to bets after that whole Laney Boggs for Prom Queen thing. "Am I a bet? Am I a F*CKING BET?"



EXHIBIT B: Ah, what have we here? Looks like a lovely moon pic! Well, actually it looks like a moon that's masquerading as a music note. That's definitely sand down below, and the music note moon is reflecting in the ocean, singing its tune to the fishies. (I kill me!) Gorgeous shot by the way. So therapeutic. I might lease the rights to microsoft to use as a screensaver.


EXHIBIT C: Hmmm.... seems my blood alcohol level was still relatively low enough for me to review Exhibit B above, and determine that it wasn't quite perfect just yet. So here's another moon shot, but this time it's brought to you by the letter "J". J for Jenn maybe? Anywho, I think I might have been on stairs here. Not really sure.


EXHIBIT D: I don't want to spend too much time on this one because it makes me seasick. Whatever it is, it appears that I was quite taken with the moment, and wanted to capture it on film to savor it forever. I'm sure glad I have this memory.


EXHIBIT E: Looks like I decided to join the party! I believe this is Matt's sister Jill on the left, and his mother on the right dancing up a storm at the wedding. I'm really happy I could capture such a beautiful mother/daughter moment. Maybe I should have it framed for them for Christmas.


So that's all folks. It's a damned shame I lost the battery when I did, because it would have been awfully cool to have a picture of the 31 wedding attendees (including the bride and groom) who descended into the ocean at 2:00 a.m. drunk and in their underwear* like something out of a bad horror movie.

*Didn't I tell you I left my dignity in Bermuda?