I implore you dear Stiff Nifflers, is there a better way on this earth to waste time than on Craigslist? I am dead serious when I tell you that it’s everything I ever wanted in a website and more. Click on Craiglist.org and kiss an hour of your life good bye, my friend. Left your cell phone in a taxi while leaving Faneuil Hall in a drunken stupor this weekend? Just leave a description under Lost and Found. Need money to pay your rent this month? List your grandmother’s heirlooms under Jewelry for Sale. Wondering if that guy behind you in line at Starbucks was as into you as you thought he was? See if he’s since posted a generic Emily Bronte quote to “the girl in the red jacket at the Copley Place Starbucks” under Missed Connections. Ever get the urge to spew right wing nonsense about illegal immigrants taking all our good blue collar jobs? Pick a fellow desk jockey who leans to the left and start a heated debate under Rants & Raves. Just realized that it’s nearly noon and you have yet to see a picture of a grown man’s penis? Get your fill under Casual Connections, Rants & Raves, AND Men Seeking Men.
On Craigslist, you can get a pet, meet a guy, buy a bike, rent a room, sell a couch, get a job etc. all in the span of fifteen minutes. Seriously, what did we do before Craigslist? I know it’s gotten a bad rap as of late with the whole “Craigslist Killer” debacle, and coming from a purely marketing standpoint only, I can’t say for sure if I’d be thrilled if there was a “Stiff Niffles Killer” on the loose. (But imagine what it would do to my Site Meter Stats!) Bottom line is that Craigslist is a RESOURCE my friends, and it needs to be utilized to its fullest potential in order to be appreciated.
This past weekend I was looking through the part time, freelance job listings on the site to see if I could find an open position to help me supplement my income. I was looking for something vastly different than my current job, in that it would entail little or no work, and would pay me a lot of money to do it. All I want is less work to do, more time to do it, and more pay for not getting it done. That's all I ask. Imagine my surprise when I came across the following ad:
XXX Company is seeking engaged and enthusiastic Internet users with a little bit of free time.
Okay. That’s definitely me. Reading on…..
The ideal candidate is an Internet junkie – accustomed to the worlds of blogging, online content sharing, and social networking…
Wait… WHAT? Having a Facebook page is a plus?
This person is bright (well if I do say so myself), probably a college graduate, communicative, and willing to take on strange challenges.
Strange challenges? Okay, I'm intrigued.
This person probably already spends a fair amount of time procrastinating on the Internet, often at work or school, and is ready to channel that activity into paid work.
SHUT THE F*CK UP.
This is a freelance, work-from-home-or-wherever position; there is no contract, nor is there a minimum or maximum amount of submissions. If this sounds like you, let us know! Along with your cover letter and resume, please feel free to include one link to a piece of media online (video, photo, text, etc.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold up just a goddamned second! Procrastinate on the internet? Find obscure internet media to share? Get paid to do what I already do for free?
I couldn’t respond fast enough.
Submitting a resume in itself posed an interesting challenge. See, I’ve crafted a lot of winning cover letters in my time. I find them fairly easy to compose, and I’ve learned what it takes to separate myself from the pack of “as you will see by my attached resume, I feel my past experience in (obscure corporate position) would greatly benefit your organization” textbook job applicants. But this one was hard! How on earth do you compose a cover letter in which you tout how adept you are at wasting time on the internet to a company that might potentially want to hire you? I decided that honesty was the best policy and went with a professional but mildly funny “Are my eyes deceiving me?” sort of approach. I still wasn’t sure if this was an internet hoax or not, and a part of me was fully expecting a return email in broken English from someone claiming to be a prince of a Middle Eastern nation looking for me to cash a check for him.
Nevertheless I took the gamble. I crafted my response, sent my resume with attached funny media clip, and patiently waited.
The following day I received an email back from the Director of Media Content of XXX company. He was impressed with my use of the word “meandering” in my cover letter, which I used in the sentence “while meandering about the internet this morning, I came across your job posting”. I was as proud as a peacock at being acknowledged for my use of a ten dollar word, and rightfully told him so. Thus began my rigorous interview process in which I was asked to send along a few more pieces of media content per his description, describe in detail exactly how much time per day I spend dallying about the internet, and so forth. Of course, being the cynical gal that I am, I took the time to fully research the company via my expert skills in e-stalking, and to my delight I found that it is in fact a REAL COMPANY. No middle eastern wire transfers necessary. Shortly thereafter I was offered a freelance position with the company, which I happily accepted.
As of this moment, I’m reading through all the paperwork that was sent to me upon my acceptance, and thought I’d take a break and type up a quick blog about my new career. The way I see it, why NOT get paid for doing what I already do for free? It's almost not worth it to NOT do it (Yes, there's a double negative in that sentence but I assure it still makes sense. READ IT AGAIN.) Even if it amounts to a measly ten bucks a month it's worth it. Forward funny emails? Watch hilarious videos on Youtube? Find obscure internet clips? Get paid for it? Obviously Jesus loves me, and that’s that.